Everything works out for me when I follow my intuition into the unknown. “I am that I am” is a reminder that what created me also created this entire universe. Or as Wayne Dyer so nicely translated, “I am God and so are you.” Knowing this potential resides within empowers me to create the life that I desire and I have spent years looking for signs to guide me as I grow and move forward. But sometimes there are no signs. Sometimes there are just choices and the results of those choices. And other times, I understand what I interpret as signs are nothing more than beliefs I have and what I attach them to. Beliefs can be powerful, but they are not always the truth. Yet still I look for the signs and sometimes I know the signs I receive are the truth. My intuition tells me so.
In the spring, Brit-rock band Pulp announced their first US tour in thirteen years. With only a four US cities chosen for the tour, this was a big deal for longtime fans like me. I tried for tickets at the Hollywood Palladium show on September 18th, opting for that venue over Chicago which was closer but at the Aragon Ballroom which I am not a fan of. The tour sold-out immediately and I was not able to get tickets. The band then announced a second show at the Palladium for September 19th and I thankfully got tickets during the presale. So I went to California to see what I might find. I went with an open heart and an open mind and kept an eye out for signs to show me where to go. I didn’t find any signs during my waking hours however. What I found was beauty, filth, joy, suffering, the importance of family, and a deep desire to let go and be present in the now.
Yosemite called me back
The decision to go back to Yosemite National Park was made for me. I don’t recall how it was made, but it was made, and a week before my flight to Los Angeles I looked into camping options. Spirit was guiding the timing as I read there is now a reservation permit required to enter the park between 5am-3pm on weekends which was a change from the beautiful trip I had there in 2017.
I wanted to enter late in the morning on Sunday, September 15th so I needed a reservation. All reservations had been sold-out since January, but every week seven days in advance the National Park Service releases a small amount at 10am. So I waited by my computer the next morning and on my first try the website stalled, but thankfully when I refreshed I acquired a reservation. Within two minutes they were all gone.
I felt good before seeing the first-come-first-serve campground, Tamarack Flats, that I stayed at in 2017 was closed for repairs and all other campgrounds were reserved for the three days that I wanted. I made a single night reservation at a campground near my entrance knowing that I would figure it out when I arrived. When I got home from work a few days later, and just two days before my flight, something told me to check the website again. I was amazed to find someone had cancelled their reservation and the Crane Flat Campground had three days in a row available matching the dates I wanted. These were the only three days in a row available anywhere in Yosemite for many weeks and I was so grateful. On top of that, Crane Flat is centrally located 6000 feet into the mountains and just 30 minutes from the valley and served as a perfect home base for me.
The trip to Yosemite National Park from my aunt’s home north of Los Angeles was dismal. I hadn’t slept well for the few days prior and was feeling tired in the morning. I drove northeast into the mountains before 7am as a cloudy marine layer cooly misted through low hanging dark clouds. An hour later the sun burst through as I pushed over the rolling burnt yellow grass hills of Southern California. I took HWY99 north through the farmland groves of Bakersfield and saw the highway littered with debris most of the way to Fresno. Over-caffeinated and underfed, I pushed east towards the Sierra Nevada Mountains where the heat produced a filtered haze in the distance. As I approached the mountains closer, the haze disappeared and everything became clear to me and I remembered where I was.
I cracked the windows to pull in the mountain air and played the Grateful Dead loud on the stereo. I was randomly given a 300hp black 2023 Dodge Charger GT with 20 inch wheels as a rental car and I tested her on the mountain roads switching back left and right as she growled into the inclines and hugged the road tightly. Before noon I arrived at the Wawona entrance on the south end of Yosemite National Park near Fish Camp and was ushered in with my reservation. It was a gorgeous day with the sun shining bright and the temperature at 70 degrees and I felt alive and well with my heart excited for this new adventure at one of the most beautiful places on earth.
I pushed the car hard at times down Wawona Road while expansive godly views opened to my left as towering pines and cedars shadowed the road in the low afternoon sun. The air smelled heavenly and I didn’t take time to look at the map. I just cruised forward knowing that at the end of this road was Yosemite Valley. I eventually came upon the surreal valley and I howled and pounded on the steering wheel before coasting down the road further and finding myself at the base of El Capitan. When I arrived, I realized I had no idea where Crane Flat Campground was and I was ok with that. I grabbed my camera and stepped out of the car and breathed in the fresh mountain air and stretched before bringing my hands together with gratitude for making it there safely.
It was warmer in the valley and the extraordinary views drew large crowds of tourists. After snapping a few photographs, I returned to the car and finally looked at the map before driving northwest into the mountains. Crane Flat Campground is adequate and well maintained. Compared to Tamarac Flats however, it is not as nice or private with many sites in the open and exposed to other sites close by. I set up my tent at site 303 as large crows cawed in the tall and healthy ponderosa pines above before I cooked a big camp meal. I was eager to get a good photo of Yosemite’s iconic tunnel view on this trip since I did not take any photos there in 2017. So late in the afternoon I drove there, set up my tripod, and took photographs before driving high into the mountains to watch the moonrise from Glacier Point. It was a long drive back to the campground in the dark but I felt good and slept well that night as the gibbous moon shined brightly above.
A gorgeous day exploring Yosemite Valley
My alarm woke me at 5:15am and I stepped out of the tent quietly as many stars shined brightly through the pines. It was the coldest morning of the trip and my breath evaporated into the ethers through the light of my headlamp. The car displayed 38 degrees for the temperature as I drove down the winding Big Oak Flat Road and back into the valley to photograph the sunrise at tunnel view, a place I would return to every morning on this trip.
It was a beautiful experience watching my first sunrise above the valley although the light was not good for photography on this day. I stayed until the sunlight kissed the face of El Capitan before returning to camp for a big breakfast of smoked salmon, hard goat cheese, fruit, and two cups of very good light roast Ethiopian coffee I made pour-over style with my trusty Jetboil kettle. Late in the morning I read from David R. Hawkins’ book “Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender” before looking at the map for hiking trails I hadn’t been on previously. In 2017, I stayed away from the valley due to the overwhelming amount of tourists but was compelled on this trip to explore that area more. So in the afternoon I meandered down the mountain and parked near El Capitan and followed a trodden trail through the tall grass meadow nearby.
I walked the trail away from the crowds and soon found myself along the edge of the Merced River that carved out much of Yosemite Valley. The river was low in the late summer but beautiful to see with areas flowing slowly over rapids. I followed it for some time seeing spiky burned tree trunks and new growth rooting up. Eventually I found myself at a bend where the river reflected at the base of the mountains nearby and I stopped for a break to take in the scene before pushing on. The trail showed resistance soon after with downed trees and rocky gullies, so I eventually returned back to the bend in the river that felt like it was calling me.
No one else was around and I snacked and took a few photographs. After so much travel and movement the previous days, my soul asked me to relax and ground myself. So I sat with my legs crossed on a large downed tree at the bend in the river and breathed deeply hearing the wind flowing through the pines and my heart beating gently. There was nowhere else to be. Birds sang and the clouds rolled low touching the tops of the cathedral points on the opposite side of the river. And here I sat calmly as the river grass swayed in circles.
After a large dinner at camp in the late afternoon, I drove up to Glacier Point at sunset to again watch the moonrise. It was one day away from being the full moon partial eclipse in Pisces and I was hoping to capture a better photograph than the night before. Traffic was heavy and I got behind a slow car for much of the drive up Glacier Point Road. When I finally arrived, the sun had already set and a bank of heavy clouds covered the horizon. I set up my tripod while a cold mist fell and focused on Half Dome which was getting decent light. Soon after, another nearby photographer yelled out when his timer went off.
There was a group recreating Ansel Adams’ famous “Autumn Moon” photograph on this night. Astronomers calculated the exact moment when Ansel’s photograph was taken and the moon is only in that position in the sky for a few minutes every 19 years. Clouds blocked the moon for several minutes but finally it showed briefly. The photographer with the timer ran down to me and opened Ansel’s composition on his phone and asked me to join in too. But by the time I changed my lens and repositioned my tripod, the moon had disappeared completely behind the bank of clouds. I was content and happy that I got a few good photographs of the moonrise the night before.
Unexpected lessons learned
Again I rose early and drove down to tunnel view before sunrise feeling the powerful energy of the full moon which impacted me all day. In the parking lot I made a mug of pour-over coffee on the asphalt near the front wheel of the Charger by the light of my headlamp before setting up my camera. A layer of clouds hung across the sky and I hoped for a burst of color when the sun rose but nothing much came of it.
Rather than returning to camp, I spent the morning in the heart of Yosemite Valley before the crowds gathered. I showered at Curry Village then took my time strolling around some of the shops in that area before heading over to Yosemite Village. I walked past the base of Yosemite Falls which was dry but could still feel its tall grandeur before finding my way to the Ansel Adams gallery. I spent a good amount of time here then stepped out into the sun that was still casting low on this beautiful late summer morning. I felt happy and inspired.
After breakfast at camp, I took off in the Charger without any plans. First I drove up Tioga Road higher into the mountains as the pines and cedars striped the road in shadows. I looked for signs that might show me where to go but could not find them. So I turned the stereo off and I looked within. As I drove through the mountains connecting in steady breaths to the present moment, letting go of the past and not looking to the future, I came to a realization that life “just is”. It is energy responding to energy. It is now while I am here and it will be when I am gone. It is a culmination of the choices we make. It just is. Life is neutral. Life is a gift. Life is fleeting. Life is a blank slate with unlimited possibilities. That’s why life is special and should not be taken for granted. My perception, beliefs, and energy are what gives it meaning and I am also aware that my thoughts oftentimes create my reality.
I have been learning to let go and it is not always easy. Sometimes the emptiness that pervades as one treks forth into the unknown is agonizing — but faith is a good companion, especially when the external signs are not always there. On the other side of letting go is freedom and space for the new. Driving around and observing the spectacular beauty of Yosemite brought a new perspective to me and also showed how far I have already come.
I brought myself back to my senses and smelled the sweetness of the pines and watched the sun shine through the clouds as the earth changed seasons in front of my eyes. In the present moment I was alive and well and I was grateful. The emptiness that showed up asked me: how do you want to live and participate in life? I felt a deep desire to give, to connect with, and to help others in need.
Loneliness was setting in so I looked to my friends, the trees. I recalled there was a small grove of giant sequoias near camp and turned the car around and drove to Tuolumne Grove. The steep hike down was an easy mile but I knew going back up all of the way out would be a challenge. The grove itself was unremarkable compared to Sequoia National Park but a few of the sequoias caught my attention with their massive trunks and wise energy. The hike out increased my heart rate and made me sweat and I felt good when I returned to camp.
Rather than returning to Glacier Point to watch the full moon rise, I found a large expansive lookout down Big Oak Flat Road just ten minutes from camp. The evening was perfect with light clouds moving by quickly as the mountain air cooled. I was optimistic for a beautiful sunset and was at the lookout an hour early. I had my tripod set up and sat on a brick ledge and patiently waited while tourists came and went. Several times I offered to take couples and family photographs on their phones with the beautiful scene of the valley and Half Dome in the far distance behind.
Two other photographers eventually joined me and unfortunately the clouds grew heavy after sunset. I wanted to compose a photograph that included Half Dome with the moon rising to the east. But by the time the moon broke through the clouds over the mountains, it was too dark to get a good photograph that included Half Dome. Another lesson learned and I watched it rise bright and orange casting light across the dark valley below. We could see the upper left edge of the moon eclipsed out black and it was memorable to experience. For the rest of the night I reflected on what needed to be eclipsed out of my life so that pure new beginnings can take form. In my dreams that night it became abundantly clear.
Before sleeping, I meditated in my tent and asked for guidance after having one of the most challenging yet healing years of my life. While the sun was in my sign of Virgo, the full moon was in my opposite sign of Pisces and I felt the watery emotions of it deeply. At 2am I woke as the full moon shined directly above filling my tent in an orange hazy glow. The dream I had was so real my heart ached waking from it. In the early morning, I had another powerful dream on the same subject. I opened my eyes to a new day with my mind heavy and dizzy and the moon low enough where it no longer cast light into the mountains.
Outside of my tent, thin clouds moved by while a few stars showed brightly above. Rather than rushing out of Yosemite, I made the decision to drive back to tunnel view with hopes that I would catch a great sunrise. As I drove down the mountain, the first light of day looked promising and I made coffee in the parking lot again when I arrived. When the sun began rising, the pure blue of the sky held a background behind light clouds that danced white, pink and orange in the early morning light. It was the best sunrise I had witnessed on this trip and I felt so grateful.
After I was content with my photos, I drove to the valley and stopped at a few random locations before heading back to camp to pack. One of the spots was on the edge of the Merced River and it reflected El Capitan perfectly down the valley floor. I gave thanks to the river and the valley before leaving Yosemite with a heavy heart. In the late morning, clouds moved in and I pushed back up Wawona Road on my way to Los Angeles.
Hollywood: a shock to the senses
I will forever associate my times in Yosemite with Tom Petty who passed away while I was in the park in 2017. His album Echo played again as I drove out and it made me reflect on the last seven years and how much I have changed and grown. In the past I would lean on substances to preoccupy my mind, to provide a creative spark, or to entertain me when needed. But my path has changed and I opted to sit soberly with myself on this trip. It took courage. I have healed so much. Lyrics from Petty’s song “Room at the Top” struck closely home.
It was a long drive from Yosemite National Park to West Hollywood where I stayed at a boutique hotel a block from Hollywood Boulevard. This was my first time spending a night in Los Angeles and I showered when I arrived before heading out to explore the area. It felt great wearing jeans and a t-shirt in the afternoon sun and I wandered down the boulevard to see what I would find. After the majesty of Yosemite, being inundated by the veil or stardom, commercialism, addicts stumbling around, and trash on every corner was hard to handle. My heart broke as tourists and locals walked by completely oblivious to the homeless and addicts. It felt like I was in a movie witnessing a scene from afar and at times I tried to make eye contact with those suffering to recognize their humanness. Some were clearly mentally ill and possibly dangerous, most looked away, but I could tell that a few appreciated being seen.
The vibe did not sit well with me and I looped back towards Sunset Boulevard which is wider and more lit and I walked west towards the setting sun. I stopped by a local Thai restaurant and ordered dinner and talked with the young Chinese-American waitress who was very friendly and told me what it was like living in the area. I returned to my hotel before dark to plan out rough ideas for the next day in Los Angeles and I fell asleep early.
Fun times with Pulp at Hollywood Palladium
Rather than filling my day with places to be, I leisurely explored different neighborhoods during my full day in Los Angeles before the Pulp show that night at the Hollywood Palladium. I started off with breakfast and coffee at Honey Hi, a gluten-free restaurant in the Echo Park neighborhood with a hip and friendly staff. After exploring that area further, I drove to the Oakwood neighborhood and grabbed pastries before heading to East Hollywood where I had a wonderful experience at the metaphysical shop Spellbound Sky.
In the afternoon I found myself back in the Echo Park area scoping out local coffee shops before later getting lost beneath the skyscrapers of downtown Los Angeles. I returned back to my hotel in West Hollywood in the afternoon and exercised and read in my room before stopping for dinner on the walk down Sunset Boulevard to the Hollywood Palladium. When I arrived at the venue, I stepped into line and quickly a woman from Dallas, TX struck up a conversation with me and we talked for half an hour before entering the show.
Inside, the venue was vintage Hollywood spanning out sideways gold and white with chandeliers hanging from the textured ceiling, a maple wood dance floor, and a narrow balcony that wrapped around the perimeter in a half circle. I was there early enough to hold down a good spot and a petite 15-year-old-girl with incredible taste in music stepped up to my right. We started talking, then a couple from Las Vegas in front of us joined in. Soon, another couple stood beside us and we all felt a connection through music and a need to protect the girl and make sure she had a great time. I watched her shine in glee several times as Pulp played an absolutely fantastic show for us.
I danced blissfully throughout the night and had a wonderful time. Making it extra special, it was singer Jarvis Cocker’s birthday and the crowd sang to him before the tour manager came out with a candlelit cake early on. “Disco 2000”, “Do You Remember the First Time?”, “Babies”, “Common People” and “This is Hardcore” were big highlights for me. Pulp fans were buzzing as we stumbled out of the venue onto Sunset Boulevard. It was an incredibly gorgeous night in Los Angeles and I took my time walking back to the hotel sensing the energy of the ocean was only a few miles ahead.
Venice Beach and family
In the morning I returned to Honey Hi for breakfast before driving towards the ocean. The sun once again shined bright with the temperature in the low 70s as took I-10 west. I am always searching out new coffee and read days earlier that Alana’s Coffee Roasters is one of the best roasters in the Los Angeles area. I stopped by their main location in Venice and had a pour-over Guatemala that was quite nice while reading at a small picnic table out front as traffic flowed by on Venice Boulevard. I stayed here for an hour before moving on to the ocean.
Venice Beach is very well known and I was told it was worth experiencing since I hadn’t been there before. I rolled up my jeans and walked around the soft sand beach and the long boardwalk trails and felt conflicted. The free-spirited boho vibe felt inauthentic and so much of the art that vendors were selling was rubbish. The beach itself was superb however and I walked it barefoot for a long while stepping in and out of the ocean at times as the breeze blew in strongly.
Later in the afternoon I moved through Santa Monica which was clean and more upscale than other parts of Los Angeles that I had seen. Soon I found my way further north to have dinner with my aunt Bernie and cousin Michael and it was great connecting with them and hearing new stories about my Rieder heritage. Throughout this trip my father’s energy was with me. His health has been declining and I stepped into the ocean for him, I felt the serenity of the mountains in my heart for him — both of which he has never seen. Being with my aunt again was a great reminder of the importance of family and I felt love for her and for my ancestors who survived many hardships.
Everything about this trip to California happened on a whim and I rolled with it. Pulp at the Hollywood Palladium was the definite highlight and following my intuition through the highs and lows of life and the mountains created many memories. While the signs I typically receive weren’t always there, I can see now that I was guided to where I needed to be and there were lessons to learn along the way. Accepting things as they are has been the biggest lesson I have learned this year and Yosemite drove that home further. Life is beautiful. Life is what we make of it. Life just is and I am so grateful for mine.
